Title: Goodbye
Author: Suz
Date: 14 Oct 1999

Thanks to Ness: For helping me with the title... I suggested
Goodbye... then she did... Ness you are so groovy!

~*~*~*~*
Goodbye
By Suz
~*~*~*~*

'Why'd you have to go and do it Rach? I mean, I'm back I told you I'd
be back, but you didn't wait, did you?

I walked into the office today to "announce" my return. And you
weren't there.
Tayler, she looked like she'd seen a bloody ghost when she saw me. No
hello... just "Oh my God, Frank!" Then she disappeared and came back
with Helen. She looked just as bad. She just stood there, dumbfounded.
Neither of them said anything it was so scary. I knew then that there
was something wrong. Christey and Riley came bounding down the stairs
then. Jack just froze when he saw me.

I asked them what happened y'know? All Helen could muster was "Oh
Frank..." and Jack "I'm so sorry." I had no idea what was going on,
but I knew that there was something wrong. I mean, the way they were
acting I knew something was up. Tayler tried to tell me. It seems like
she was hit pretty hard with it. "Frank... Rachel, she's, I mean,
Rachel was..." I thought she was going to cry. Mick told me... came
right out with it... "Rachel's dead, she was killed a few weeks back."
For a split second I thought that they were joking. Unfortunately they
weren't. I didn't know what to say, or do or... or what?
I'd just been told that my best friend, someone I cared for, *still*
care for, my soul mate was dead... someone I love. I just stood there
for so long, letting it sink in. No one was game to move.

Then I collapsed. So unlike me. But I just cried and cried and cried.
Helen to me up to her office and told me everything that happened. She
misses you so much Rach we all do... everyone. Mick came in whilst I
was still sitting there and told me about the last conversation that
he had with you... even the stuff about Jack. That hurt. But I needed
to know. In a way I'm glad that you loved him, you needed some one who
could return the love that you were capable of giving I'm just angry
that it wasn't me. Or that I never gave myself the chance of returning
it. Mick left. I sat there alone for such a long time. Just thinking
of you, and what we'd shared. Just everything. I can only vaguely
remember the sound of your voice, and that scares me. I want to
remember everything about you.

Jack walked past Helen's office then. He just stood in the doorway
looking at me. We never really saw eye to eye. I think we will now. He
came in and sat down. We looked at each other without saying anything
for so long. It was awful. He, he... I don't know. He misses you so
much. He *loved* you. I hate to admit that, but he did. It was the
first thing he said after sitting down. "I loved her." Why is everyone
still using past tense? I know you're gone Rach, but I just want to
see you one more time. Just once. Just one minute. Sixty seconds. I
don't even know what I'd say to you if I did get the opportunity. I'd
probably be a smart-arse or something. I know what I'd like to say.
I'd want to tell you that I *do* love you. That you mean everything to
me. That I don't want you to go. How much it hurts having you gone.
Just to hear your voice again. To see you smile, those dimples. I miss
you so much. I missed you while I was gone.

I left you. How could I?
It was hard, leaving without you. Leaving on the pier, and what's
worse you were crying. I could probably count on my fingers the number
of times I actually saw you cry. But you did. When I left. It made it
so much harder to leave.
I bet if you were here now you'd ask *why did* I leave then? I wish
now that I didn't. But I can't change the fact that I did. I did. I
left you, alone.
But Jack was there.

Jack... he gave me your diary. I don't know whether I want to read it
or not... "Here" he said... " It's Rachel's, it's her diary, none of
us even knew she kept one." I knew.
I think he read some of it. Actually I know he did. Just the last
page. He said that it was that "unfinished conversation" that you were
going to have that night. If I ever read it, I'm going to skip that
page. It's dark here now, cold too. I think I should go home. I don't
know where to go. I'd love to go down to the bar and have a beer like
we used to. Maybe I'll go and have a drink for you, for Rachel, for
Goldie, for the mother, the friend, and the soul mate.
I love you Rachel, I will carry your memory with me forever. Goodbye"

Frank turned and looked at her grave once more before stuffing his
hands in his pockets and walking away with his head hung low. Arriving
at the car he got in the passenger side.
"Thanks for that mate."
"No problem, I can tell you needed it." Jack half smiled at him and
turned the car on and drove away.

=THE END=

Feedback would rock: suzie@standard.net.au